Week 21

It has been quite a few weeks since I posted anything. In between week 18 and now has been a whirlwind...finishing my thesis, the thesis defense, and wrapping up everything at Penn. I will try to sum those few weeks up - but they were a very stressful time to say the least. And I hate to keep posting negative things...but it is what it is!

I submitted my thesis to my committee members 1 week before the defense date...I waited to submit to then to get feedback from either of my two advisers. Neither one gave any! Only Ian and I reviewed the document. Well, the one called me from home the day I was submitting (after I had printed out 6 copies of a ~175 page document) and basically said it was confusing and needed massive revisions...well thank you very much! I submitted anyway (what else could I do?) though my confidence in the document was definitely shaken at that point. I should have considered the source before losing any sleep over it. Especially considering at the defense, my thesis committee told me it was very well written and only offered two suggestions for revisions (extremely minor - only to annotate two things differently). After turning it in, I then focused on my public presentation. I always enjoy putting together presentations in powerpoint, so this was kind of fun. After multiple revisions and last minute changes, it was ready by late Monday...defense was on Tuesday 6/23 3-5pm. Felt okay about the talk...joked around with the AV tech about fire alarms in the building (not uncommon)...well, I was standing at the podium at about 5 minutes before 3 and guess what! - fire alarm!!! Everyone had to clear the building. I found that to be terribly nerve-wracking and felt like I never regained my confidence completely. Many people couldn't make the defense, and I was a little disappointed about that. However, my sister and all the kids and my parents were there and that was very nice. The kids finally got to see where I worked and got to explore the lab for a few minutes...that was fun.

The week after my defense was terrible. It was extremely difficult for me to wrap up everything, make my thesis revisions and deposit it to the university, catalog all of my samples and data, and clean up my stuff in the span of a week. As my adviser would only pay me through June, it had to be done. He and I ended on a bad note, as he actually had the nerve to ask me to come in past Tuesday to upload some files for our paper resubmission (anyone can upload files - including him!!!!)...on my own time and own dime. I told him I was not comfortable coming in past Tuesday as that was the termination date for my position. He did not seem to like that but I felt that I needed to stand up for myself. I do not know of a single other graduate student that was supported for only one week following the defense. Ridiculous...and to expect that student to come in afterward and work essentially for free! Well, it was a bittersweet ending to a large chapter of my life. Neither my adviser or a few of the other lab members said goodbye to me...just kind of left without any hurrah. I am happy to be finished in that lab, though I still wish I had something to move on to.

And that leads me to the middle of last week and this week. Last week wasn't so bad because Ian came home a little early on Thursday and then had Friday off due to the holiday. We spent the day at a festival in Kutztown - got a little too much sun but it was a good time. Wasn't feeling too great by the end of the night. Saturday we did a few things around the house that needed to get done. Was a little sad to not spend the day with friends at a bbq or something like that, but it felt good to get caught up on some house projects. We concluded the night in the backyard with a fire lit, but then the dogs were getting freaked out by the booms of fireworks so we had to call it a night. Sunday was a nice peaceful day at my parents with the dogs. Really ran them and tired them out...poor pups were not fully recovered until today, Wed.

Monday and Tuesday of this week have been rough. I have been trying to do much around the house - cleaning and working in the garden...anything to keep me busy. I feel physically weaker than I used to be, which is frustrating. I also noticed that I am clumsier than normal and my carpel tunnel is a bit aggravated in my right hand...getting lots of tingling and numbness which makes working with my hands much more difficult. It has been really hot in the house during the mid afternoon - house doesn't seem to cool down very well. I have been reluctant to turn on the AC due to the expense, so I have been trying to nap on the couch in the dark living room during the peak of the heat...hasn't been terribly effective so far. Also getting a little lonely and stir-crazy (and I have only been home for a week!!!!). Ian is never home and seems to think my being home means he can be even sloppier and messier! I am trying to adapt to this, but it is pretty hard...stay at home role is not for me. I miss talking to people and having lunch with anything other than dogs and the tv! Really really wish I could find a job so I could feel useful and productive again.

Oh well, the dogs have been enjoying me at home...and Ian has a personal assistant it seems. I am trying to stay optimistic and think about the baby. I am fairly sure I have felt her kicking a few times, especially in late morning. That is a good thing. I like looking at the cute clothes we have for her so far, tends to cheer me up a bit and give me something to look forward to. I should take some pics and post them...will try to do that soon. She is going to be one cute and stylish little one.

Well, week 21 is halfway through - more than halfway through the pregnancy!

Marie