My optimism that breastfeeding is going to work for this little one has faded fast. No fault of this cute adorable baby of course, just her highly inexperienced and not so skilled mother. I have been pumping round the clock (severe sleep deprivation now has made me highly emotional, stressed, and basically a mess) trying to increase my extremely meager milk supply. I haven't noticed any improvement between yesterday and today. She has started rejecting me entirely, no longer latching on, seeming to exclusively prefer a bottle of formula. This is so frustrating and sad...as I really had the best of intentions and hopes that this would work.
Ian is starting to stress me out about this as well. He really wants this to work for both the health of the baby and for the obvious financial savings - we read that formula estimates (for basic formula) are about $1500 per year! Once again...stress from our financial state. I don't think he quite gets how hard and stressful this is...how much it pains me to not be able to provide this most basic of needs for our baby.
It is really starting to get to me - I find myself tensing up and stressing as soon as little Annette starts to fuss out of hunger. I feel like I am missing out on the close bonding that I should be feeling. And I definitely feel like a failure... Doesn't help that there is so much pressure out there for women to breastfeed "breast is best" and all that.
I am still trying...will keep pumping and face her rejection each time through the weekend. Maybe things will change, but I am not holding out much hope anymore.
-Marie
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