We've created a monster...little Annette is now insisting that she sleep on either Ian or me each night. The Moses basket is no longer a suitable bed for her - she needs the warmth and comfort of us! The little one gets whatever she wants...even if it is against recommendations.
-Marie
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Two weeks old!
I cannot believe these two weeks have passed so quickly! Annette has definitely gotten bigger - filling out a bit (from that formula!) and almost too big for her tiny newborn onesies. My little monster has quite the appetite.
She seems healthy - we were a little concerned as her pooping schedule has changed drastically since switching entirely to formula, but from what I have read, it is completely normal. We have started offering her pacifiers, and she seems to enjoy sucking on them after drinking a bottle. Smart little one has also figured out to keep her hand next to it to stop it from falling out (well...not sure if this is coincidence or if she is actively doing it).
She LOVES her lamb swing and her bouncy chair. Cutie! Also, she seems to like going for drives and her car seat...I really hope this continues! Overall, she is a very sweet baby.
I was starting to feel semi-normal, but I think I may have pushed myself a little too far yesterday. I am going to have to make a doc appointment for next week - I have a hunch as to what I may have injured, and I am going to have to get this checked out asap. (Won't go into it here - would definitely be TMI!) It is frustrating because this will be one more complication from childbirth added to my growing list, and I thought I had been through enough already! For as easy as this whole process is for some women, it seems to be really difficult for me. I just want to be back to normal! I am going to have much difficulty going through this another time unless things get better soon...hmmm, may have to rethink the adoption option.
The dogs are acting out a little - specifically the husky, Luna. Darn dog needs more attention and I am not 100% to be able to give it to her. Trying to be patient with her and a few of the cats (acting needy). Tough balancing everything while Ian goes to work and school. I am not looking forward to next week at all - first full week back for Ian. His finals start soon, so it is only going to get harder for both of us.
I am the only one awake right now...hate nighttime - too quiet and too lonely. I really want to go to the outlets tonight for black Friday. It is my tradition! They opened at midnight and last year Ian and I went between 3 and 4am to avoid the crazy rush at midnight...great sales though. Mom and Nicole are there now - much easier for them to get there coming from the west on Route 422. It would have been nice to have company when I can go without literally being stopped on the highway for an hour (it sucked the year we went at midnight), but they didn't want to wait for me :( Inconvenient for them I guess...I won't say anything more about that :(
-Marie
She seems healthy - we were a little concerned as her pooping schedule has changed drastically since switching entirely to formula, but from what I have read, it is completely normal. We have started offering her pacifiers, and she seems to enjoy sucking on them after drinking a bottle. Smart little one has also figured out to keep her hand next to it to stop it from falling out (well...not sure if this is coincidence or if she is actively doing it).
She LOVES her lamb swing and her bouncy chair. Cutie! Also, she seems to like going for drives and her car seat...I really hope this continues! Overall, she is a very sweet baby.
I was starting to feel semi-normal, but I think I may have pushed myself a little too far yesterday. I am going to have to make a doc appointment for next week - I have a hunch as to what I may have injured, and I am going to have to get this checked out asap. (Won't go into it here - would definitely be TMI!) It is frustrating because this will be one more complication from childbirth added to my growing list, and I thought I had been through enough already! For as easy as this whole process is for some women, it seems to be really difficult for me. I just want to be back to normal! I am going to have much difficulty going through this another time unless things get better soon...hmmm, may have to rethink the adoption option.
The dogs are acting out a little - specifically the husky, Luna. Darn dog needs more attention and I am not 100% to be able to give it to her. Trying to be patient with her and a few of the cats (acting needy). Tough balancing everything while Ian goes to work and school. I am not looking forward to next week at all - first full week back for Ian. His finals start soon, so it is only going to get harder for both of us.
I am the only one awake right now...hate nighttime - too quiet and too lonely. I really want to go to the outlets tonight for black Friday. It is my tradition! They opened at midnight and last year Ian and I went between 3 and 4am to avoid the crazy rush at midnight...great sales though. Mom and Nicole are there now - much easier for them to get there coming from the west on Route 422. It would have been nice to have company when I can go without literally being stopped on the highway for an hour (it sucked the year we went at midnight), but they didn't want to wait for me :( Inconvenient for them I guess...I won't say anything more about that :(
-Marie
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The wonderful little lamb swing!
Check this link for pictures of Annette
I will add pics periodically -access using the link at the upper right (cutest baby ever)...check it out from time to time.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Throwing in the towel...and pump...
Just spoke with our lactation consultant today to go over the progress from this weekend. Basically, not enough progress (no progress really). It is time to wind everything down, and just accept the inevitable. This baby is going to be a formula fed baby. It will be okay - so many babies have been raised on formula and are healthy and happy. I keep repeating that to myself.
Now, hoping that Mommy will be okay with this...and not settle into a bad funk or depression.
When my logical brain thinks about this and attempts to rationalize it, it is okay. I know that things will be fine. I cannot accept why this is happening, however, as I don't have a conclusive answer. The scientist analytical part of me needs to know why. I tried everything I was supposed to do...the constant pumping, the disgusting herbal supplements, the oatmeal, skin-to-skin, etc. Why is this happening? Do I have some structural defect or deficiency? Not likely according to the LC. Hormonal imbalance? Possibly...but how to test for that? I need answers, but there aren't really any available. Most women can do this...it's been done throughout time, throughout the poorest parts of the world. No explanation for me...I have to live with that and accept it. It scares me to have to go through this again if we have a second child. This has been emotionally and physically devastating...and I think the next few weeks will continue to be very difficult as I have to wean myself off this mess.
I feel frustrated, humiliated, inadequate, pissed, and helpless. Most of all, very sad.
I will miss holding little Annette so close to me, watching her chomp onto me like a little hungry beast (this is what prompted her nickname of "monster" while we were in the hospital), the smell of the milk, and her happy drunken milk face (even though it only lasted a minute or two before she would seek out the bottle as I could never satisfy her needs). Before, I was thrilled to see a few leaking drops of milk; now the leaking drops of milk are like tears, but they will go away very soon as things go away.
I am surprised at how strong this primal urge to breastfeed has become. How it becomes all encompassing...how it is the ultimate measure of your success as a mom in the early days. You are repeatedly told throughout pregnancy that breast is best and anyone can breastfeed-it is the natural way. Well, there is nothing natural about this for me. Nothing natural about round the clock feedings, being so tired that you don't even want to hold your baby in fear of rousing her natural hunger drive and not being able to meet her needs. The hope and then disappointment from another meager pumping.
Facing the truth, that you will not be able to do this thing that "everyone can do" is like grieving a death. It sounds strange, but I would imagine that anyone going through this would understand what I am saying.
-Marie
Now, hoping that Mommy will be okay with this...and not settle into a bad funk or depression.
When my logical brain thinks about this and attempts to rationalize it, it is okay. I know that things will be fine. I cannot accept why this is happening, however, as I don't have a conclusive answer. The scientist analytical part of me needs to know why. I tried everything I was supposed to do...the constant pumping, the disgusting herbal supplements, the oatmeal, skin-to-skin, etc. Why is this happening? Do I have some structural defect or deficiency? Not likely according to the LC. Hormonal imbalance? Possibly...but how to test for that? I need answers, but there aren't really any available. Most women can do this...it's been done throughout time, throughout the poorest parts of the world. No explanation for me...I have to live with that and accept it. It scares me to have to go through this again if we have a second child. This has been emotionally and physically devastating...and I think the next few weeks will continue to be very difficult as I have to wean myself off this mess.
I feel frustrated, humiliated, inadequate, pissed, and helpless. Most of all, very sad.
I will miss holding little Annette so close to me, watching her chomp onto me like a little hungry beast (this is what prompted her nickname of "monster" while we were in the hospital), the smell of the milk, and her happy drunken milk face (even though it only lasted a minute or two before she would seek out the bottle as I could never satisfy her needs). Before, I was thrilled to see a few leaking drops of milk; now the leaking drops of milk are like tears, but they will go away very soon as things go away.
I am surprised at how strong this primal urge to breastfeed has become. How it becomes all encompassing...how it is the ultimate measure of your success as a mom in the early days. You are repeatedly told throughout pregnancy that breast is best and anyone can breastfeed-it is the natural way. Well, there is nothing natural about this for me. Nothing natural about round the clock feedings, being so tired that you don't even want to hold your baby in fear of rousing her natural hunger drive and not being able to meet her needs. The hope and then disappointment from another meager pumping.
Facing the truth, that you will not be able to do this thing that "everyone can do" is like grieving a death. It sounds strange, but I would imagine that anyone going through this would understand what I am saying.
-Marie
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Lactation consultant
We met with our third lactation consultant - this time at a breastfeeding resource center referred to us by the hospital. And of course lovely Aetna is one of the insurance companies unwilling to cover or subsidize such expenses. Since we are 8 days from birth, and our window of opportunity has narrowed, the center squeezed us in before the weekend. It seems that I am one of the minority of women out there that has low milk supply for unknown reasons. I feel like nothing comes easily for us these days. They suggested a plan for the next few days to try to build supply, but the woman was brutally honest (much appreciated) and told us to not get too optimistic. On the bright side, the baby was able to latch on successfully for the first time in days, so that was a good feeling. Bittersweet I guess, as I don't know how many more times I will experience that connection. On the down side, the last ditch plan involves round the clock breast pumping and taking some nasty tasting herbal supplements. I am supposed to do this until Wed. and then call the woman for a revised plan, but I don't know if I want to do this past Sunday. I am mentally fatigued from this. Ready to give in to the ease of formula; not ready for the expense and guilty feelings. I am ready to start enjoying my time with her, rather than constantly stressing about feeding her. Eight days have flown by, with too little enjoyment than I would care to admit.
Other than that (which is my issue, not hers), Annette is an angel. She likes to sleep against my chest...she squirms around until her little head is resting under my chin. She gets nice and toasty that way, under the covers with me. When we pick her up to get her ready for feedings, she makes her little piggy noises. So cute. She is even cute when frustrated with me - she swats me away with her little hands. Strong willed little baby.
We haven't taken too many pictures or videos - too preoccupied with this feeding business. That has to change...we need to make more of an effort to enjoy the little things that will quickly fade as she continues to grow!
Ian continues to do diaper duty...and Annette continues to deliver little presents for her Daddy.
I still need pain medication for my injuries from labor, but I believe it is starting to finally get a bit better. Looking forward to feeling like myself again...looking forward to playing with the pups again.
-Marie
Other than that (which is my issue, not hers), Annette is an angel. She likes to sleep against my chest...she squirms around until her little head is resting under my chin. She gets nice and toasty that way, under the covers with me. When we pick her up to get her ready for feedings, she makes her little piggy noises. So cute. She is even cute when frustrated with me - she swats me away with her little hands. Strong willed little baby.
We haven't taken too many pictures or videos - too preoccupied with this feeding business. That has to change...we need to make more of an effort to enjoy the little things that will quickly fade as she continues to grow!
Ian continues to do diaper duty...and Annette continues to deliver little presents for her Daddy.
I still need pain medication for my injuries from labor, but I believe it is starting to finally get a bit better. Looking forward to feeling like myself again...looking forward to playing with the pups again.
-Marie
Friday, November 20, 2009
Sadie's underpants
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A setback and a little sadness
My optimism that breastfeeding is going to work for this little one has faded fast. No fault of this cute adorable baby of course, just her highly inexperienced and not so skilled mother. I have been pumping round the clock (severe sleep deprivation now has made me highly emotional, stressed, and basically a mess) trying to increase my extremely meager milk supply. I haven't noticed any improvement between yesterday and today. She has started rejecting me entirely, no longer latching on, seeming to exclusively prefer a bottle of formula. This is so frustrating and sad...as I really had the best of intentions and hopes that this would work.
Ian is starting to stress me out about this as well. He really wants this to work for both the health of the baby and for the obvious financial savings - we read that formula estimates (for basic formula) are about $1500 per year! Once again...stress from our financial state. I don't think he quite gets how hard and stressful this is...how much it pains me to not be able to provide this most basic of needs for our baby.
It is really starting to get to me - I find myself tensing up and stressing as soon as little Annette starts to fuss out of hunger. I feel like I am missing out on the close bonding that I should be feeling. And I definitely feel like a failure... Doesn't help that there is so much pressure out there for women to breastfeed "breast is best" and all that.
I am still trying...will keep pumping and face her rejection each time through the weekend. Maybe things will change, but I am not holding out much hope anymore.
-Marie
Ian is starting to stress me out about this as well. He really wants this to work for both the health of the baby and for the obvious financial savings - we read that formula estimates (for basic formula) are about $1500 per year! Once again...stress from our financial state. I don't think he quite gets how hard and stressful this is...how much it pains me to not be able to provide this most basic of needs for our baby.
It is really starting to get to me - I find myself tensing up and stressing as soon as little Annette starts to fuss out of hunger. I feel like I am missing out on the close bonding that I should be feeling. And I definitely feel like a failure... Doesn't help that there is so much pressure out there for women to breastfeed "breast is best" and all that.
I am still trying...will keep pumping and face her rejection each time through the weekend. Maybe things will change, but I am not holding out much hope anymore.
-Marie
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
\
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Bragging...
I forgot to mention in my last post that so many nurses, doctors, and random people (in addition to family and friends) have commented on how perfect and beautiful Annette is...such delicate perfect features with not a mark on her (due to short period of time pushing?)...and when we say "You say that to everyone" they tell us "no, she really is!"
To me, she is the most beautiful, and more importantly, smartest baby ever born! She is a continuous amazement. Even after 1 hour of sleep this evening...
-Marie
To me, she is the most beautiful, and more importantly, smartest baby ever born! She is a continuous amazement. Even after 1 hour of sleep this evening...
-Marie
Sunday, November 15, 2009
What a whirlwind...
Just realized tomorrow was my due date...but we always had a feeling our little one would not wait that long to join us. It has been a whirlwind since Wednesday early evening...but here is the story of how little Annette came to join us.
My Mom came to visit Wednesday. We planned to go to a knitting store in Chestnut Hill to return some needles she bought the week before. (also planned to make a side trip to Night Kitchen Bakery down the road - who made our wedding cake) We were in the car, and Mom mentioned that she wanted to make a practice drive to the hospital as she was nervous to drive there when the time would come. We made the dry run and then headed to Pei Wei for a late lunch before running our errands. We never made it to the knitting store. After eating a ridiculously large lunch, I figured I better use the restroom before heading out again.
3:45pm And then my water broke...and broke...and broke again! Every time I stood up, more! What a feeling. I called Ian and told him the news. He was on his way to Temple to get his H1N1 vaccine - since it is so scarce, I told him to go ahead and get it and then head back to Pennsylvania Hospital to meet us. We figured I had a bit of time, so Mom and I headed home to pick up some things. Boy did I wish we had packed a bag!
~4:45pm Checked into the hospital to the PETU (an evaluation unit to determine whether you would be transferred to labor and delivery)...where they told me I was not in active labor but needed to be induced as my membrane prematurely broke. Ha, funny because I could definitely feel some contractions start - basically, I had what is called back labor...painful. Also, the baby had tachycardia (rapid heart rate) and needed to be monitored for some time before induction could begin. My heart rate was rather high as well. About 1cm dilated (basically nothing!).
~9:30pm Baby and I calmed down somewhat, and they induced me with a cervical "ripening" drug- I was confined to the bed for 2 hours while the medication was administered. After about 1 hour of this, I started to experience the most excruciating back pain that morphed into full blown contractions.
~11-11:30pm I couldn't handle it - I had never felt such strong uncontrollable pain before and practically begged the nurses repeatedly to page the doctors to check me out and get me transferred to labor and delivery (actually, poor Ian nagged them for me - I was practically at my wits end the pain was so bad).
~12am They begrudgingly obliged, as they were convinced that I couldn't have progressed enough in such a short time. Well, I had! 4 cm dilated. The wait for the transport was pure hell. I couldn't even walk into the delivery suite...just down the hall.
~12:30am Fortunately, I did not have to wait too terribly long for the anesthesiologist. The epidural was pure bliss. I had never expected it to make such a difference for me. I could not have endured the pain without it (at least from an induced labor).
~3-3:30am Still about 4-5 cm dilated. Started pitocin to speed things along.
~4-4:30am Started feeling massive pressure...as if baby barely waiting to come out. A very uncomfortable feeling...something the epidural could not relieve.
~5:30am Started feeling as if I might not be able to stop myself from pushing. Nurses and staff kept saying way too early to have progressed that far. In essence, suck it up...and wait. We kept asking them to just check me.
~6:30am The medical resident finally checked me. 7-8cm at first, however, at very next contraction, 9cm. Almost there...baby descended. I could tell they were surprised that I was actually nearing the pushing phase.
~7am Magically the attending physician appeared (only saw the doctor that delivered my daughter twice throughout the entire experience). 10 cm. Baby practically crowning...ready to push. People started appearing out of the woodwork. 7am nursing shift change created a mass rush to the delivery room...everyone seemed ready for a baby to be born! Exciting!
7:05-7:18 4 sets of contractions, 10-12 pushes (like I actually kept count!) total: little baby Annette Soleil Hildebrandt Musselman was born. The doctors and residents told me the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck - that may have explained why it even took 4 contractions for her to be born, as she was practically crowning with the very first push. I was nervous at first because she wasn't much of a crier..she just needed some suctioning. Ian cut the cord, well, he just trimmed it because it had to be cut upon crowning, and monitored the care of the little one while the doctors attended to me. I needed quite a bit of attention, as the rapid labor and delivery created some stress to my body. I suffered (and am still suffering!) from third degree tears...I'll let you look into that in greater detail if you would like... I did get to hold little Annette eventually. What a beautiful gorgeous sweet little girl...how amazing that she is mine!
Recovery in the hospital for 48 hours was at times rocky. I was in much pain, suffering from zero (and I mean ZERO) sleep, and very stressed due to difficulties breast feeding the baby. I never imagined so many things could be so difficult to do! I was feeling very low about things and not looking forward to feeding formula to her (not the best for her health and very expensive!) until an amazing lactation consultant came to help me hours before discharge. She really helped me troubleshoot - helped my confidence and self-esteem. She has since helped me to minimize and relieve my already damaged body...I could never thank her enough!
On discharge, we were told Annette's bilirubin levels are high (she is looking a little yellow), and we have returned once already to have the levels checked and will have to go back again on Tuesday. We have a plan to alternate formula (bottle) feedings with breast pumping and breast feeding. The goal is to get some nutrition into her and to get her GI tract moving along and break down that bilirubin. We spent a little time outside in the natural sunlight - an old fashioned way to help things.
Since leaving the hospital, we have been working to do the best for the little one, been trying to get at least a few hours of sleep a day, and have been trying to get a little bit of physical activity so that things can eventually return to normal. Wow, what a journey...how emotional...how physically stressful...but ultimately, how rewarding.
Today is the first day that I have had the confidence that we will be able to handle all these new challenges and responsibilities. Ian has been absolutely amazing today...really helping around the house and taking care of our little one. I have not changed a single diaper! He also seems to relish dressing little Annette and feeding her with the bottle. I was a bit nervous watching him handle the tiny baby at first - he seemed so unsure of himself- but now he seems to be a pro. It is so cute to see the two of them. What a great thing!
Each day will be a challenge (like the pediatrician appointment tomorrow)...but each day I will get to look into her beautiful (blue for now) eyes. My little Annette Soleil.
-Marie
My Mom came to visit Wednesday. We planned to go to a knitting store in Chestnut Hill to return some needles she bought the week before. (also planned to make a side trip to Night Kitchen Bakery down the road - who made our wedding cake) We were in the car, and Mom mentioned that she wanted to make a practice drive to the hospital as she was nervous to drive there when the time would come. We made the dry run and then headed to Pei Wei for a late lunch before running our errands. We never made it to the knitting store. After eating a ridiculously large lunch, I figured I better use the restroom before heading out again.
3:45pm And then my water broke...and broke...and broke again! Every time I stood up, more! What a feeling. I called Ian and told him the news. He was on his way to Temple to get his H1N1 vaccine - since it is so scarce, I told him to go ahead and get it and then head back to Pennsylvania Hospital to meet us. We figured I had a bit of time, so Mom and I headed home to pick up some things. Boy did I wish we had packed a bag!
~4:45pm Checked into the hospital to the PETU (an evaluation unit to determine whether you would be transferred to labor and delivery)...where they told me I was not in active labor but needed to be induced as my membrane prematurely broke. Ha, funny because I could definitely feel some contractions start - basically, I had what is called back labor...painful. Also, the baby had tachycardia (rapid heart rate) and needed to be monitored for some time before induction could begin. My heart rate was rather high as well. About 1cm dilated (basically nothing!).
~9:30pm Baby and I calmed down somewhat, and they induced me with a cervical "ripening" drug- I was confined to the bed for 2 hours while the medication was administered. After about 1 hour of this, I started to experience the most excruciating back pain that morphed into full blown contractions.
~11-11:30pm I couldn't handle it - I had never felt such strong uncontrollable pain before and practically begged the nurses repeatedly to page the doctors to check me out and get me transferred to labor and delivery (actually, poor Ian nagged them for me - I was practically at my wits end the pain was so bad).
~12am They begrudgingly obliged, as they were convinced that I couldn't have progressed enough in such a short time. Well, I had! 4 cm dilated. The wait for the transport was pure hell. I couldn't even walk into the delivery suite...just down the hall.
~12:30am Fortunately, I did not have to wait too terribly long for the anesthesiologist. The epidural was pure bliss. I had never expected it to make such a difference for me. I could not have endured the pain without it (at least from an induced labor).
~3-3:30am Still about 4-5 cm dilated. Started pitocin to speed things along.
~4-4:30am Started feeling massive pressure...as if baby barely waiting to come out. A very uncomfortable feeling...something the epidural could not relieve.
~5:30am Started feeling as if I might not be able to stop myself from pushing. Nurses and staff kept saying way too early to have progressed that far. In essence, suck it up...and wait. We kept asking them to just check me.
~6:30am The medical resident finally checked me. 7-8cm at first, however, at very next contraction, 9cm. Almost there...baby descended. I could tell they were surprised that I was actually nearing the pushing phase.
~7am Magically the attending physician appeared (only saw the doctor that delivered my daughter twice throughout the entire experience). 10 cm. Baby practically crowning...ready to push. People started appearing out of the woodwork. 7am nursing shift change created a mass rush to the delivery room...everyone seemed ready for a baby to be born! Exciting!
7:05-7:18 4 sets of contractions, 10-12 pushes (like I actually kept count!) total: little baby Annette Soleil Hildebrandt Musselman was born. The doctors and residents told me the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck - that may have explained why it even took 4 contractions for her to be born, as she was practically crowning with the very first push. I was nervous at first because she wasn't much of a crier..she just needed some suctioning. Ian cut the cord, well, he just trimmed it because it had to be cut upon crowning, and monitored the care of the little one while the doctors attended to me. I needed quite a bit of attention, as the rapid labor and delivery created some stress to my body. I suffered (and am still suffering!) from third degree tears...I'll let you look into that in greater detail if you would like... I did get to hold little Annette eventually. What a beautiful gorgeous sweet little girl...how amazing that she is mine!
Recovery in the hospital for 48 hours was at times rocky. I was in much pain, suffering from zero (and I mean ZERO) sleep, and very stressed due to difficulties breast feeding the baby. I never imagined so many things could be so difficult to do! I was feeling very low about things and not looking forward to feeding formula to her (not the best for her health and very expensive!) until an amazing lactation consultant came to help me hours before discharge. She really helped me troubleshoot - helped my confidence and self-esteem. She has since helped me to minimize and relieve my already damaged body...I could never thank her enough!
On discharge, we were told Annette's bilirubin levels are high (she is looking a little yellow), and we have returned once already to have the levels checked and will have to go back again on Tuesday. We have a plan to alternate formula (bottle) feedings with breast pumping and breast feeding. The goal is to get some nutrition into her and to get her GI tract moving along and break down that bilirubin. We spent a little time outside in the natural sunlight - an old fashioned way to help things.
Since leaving the hospital, we have been working to do the best for the little one, been trying to get at least a few hours of sleep a day, and have been trying to get a little bit of physical activity so that things can eventually return to normal. Wow, what a journey...how emotional...how physically stressful...but ultimately, how rewarding.
Today is the first day that I have had the confidence that we will be able to handle all these new challenges and responsibilities. Ian has been absolutely amazing today...really helping around the house and taking care of our little one. I have not changed a single diaper! He also seems to relish dressing little Annette and feeding her with the bottle. I was a bit nervous watching him handle the tiny baby at first - he seemed so unsure of himself- but now he seems to be a pro. It is so cute to see the two of them. What a great thing!
Each day will be a challenge (like the pediatrician appointment tomorrow)...but each day I will get to look into her beautiful (blue for now) eyes. My little Annette Soleil.
-Marie
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Good morning to you, Luna!
Ian's beloved husky, Luna, gave me a wonderful greeting this morning.
As I was making the bed, following the usual morning routine, I turned to look across the room. Oh what did I see? Lunesta was squatting down in our bedroom, delivering a nasty big pooh! I screamed at her, and she gave me a look like, "what's your problem?"
Ian must have been in a hurry this morning, and must have given them a shortened time outside before leaving for work. Ugh!
Grrrr...huskies!
-Marie
As I was making the bed, following the usual morning routine, I turned to look across the room. Oh what did I see? Lunesta was squatting down in our bedroom, delivering a nasty big pooh! I screamed at her, and she gave me a look like, "what's your problem?"
Ian must have been in a hurry this morning, and must have given them a shortened time outside before leaving for work. Ugh!
Grrrr...huskies!
-Marie
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Personal ramblings...
A few random things that I have found amusing/interesting over the past few days:
1)Levi Johnston - I hope this sad boy continues to ham it up for the media...any bad press for that narrow-minded (um, crazy) hypocritical scary Sarah Palin is good press as far as I am concerned. It cracks me up that the so-called pillar of moral decency is linked to Playgirls newest spread. Go Levi!
2)Carrie Prejean and her solo sex tape. Yes, the former beauty queen is just another hypocrite guilty of vile actions just like the rest of us heathen masses. Another pillar of moral decency proven to be rotten at its core.
3)Twilight actually is a good movie. It pains me to admit that, as I have been teasing Mom for months now about this teen sensation. I would like to see New Moon in the movies...(just vomited a little admitting that one!). Seriously, this series seems to have potential.
4)Finally, on a personal note: I have realized that most of my family will never accept where Ian and I have chosen to live, in the evil city known as Philadelphia. In reality, where we live is the perfect blend of urban and neighborhood qualities. It is perfect for us at this time, and I could not love East Falls or Philadelphia more. It is disappointing to constantly be bombarded with the city versus country argument (I get the opposing side from friends)...why can't both perspectives simply respect the choices of the other and avoid this us versus them attitude?
It is a shame, as family will miss out on experiencing many holidays/birthdays/etc with our new little one simply due to the fact that they do not like this kind of home - our home. Well, to be honest, I could not even begin to imagine living in their chosen locations - it would be terribly limiting professionally, socially, and culturally for me. But, that is their choice, rightfully so, and I am happy for them and hope that they continue to be able to live as they choose. If only they reciprocated those feelings.
It is highly likely that only my Mom will make the brave journey into the dreaded center city to visit us and the baby in the hospital. I am not entirely surprised by this. Additionally, it seems that Thanksgiving this year will simply be Ian, my Mom, myself, and the little one (hopefully by then!). Well, it will be a scrumptious feast nonetheless!
-Marie
1)Levi Johnston - I hope this sad boy continues to ham it up for the media...any bad press for that narrow-minded (um, crazy) hypocritical scary Sarah Palin is good press as far as I am concerned. It cracks me up that the so-called pillar of moral decency is linked to Playgirls newest spread. Go Levi!
2)Carrie Prejean and her solo sex tape. Yes, the former beauty queen is just another hypocrite guilty of vile actions just like the rest of us heathen masses. Another pillar of moral decency proven to be rotten at its core.
3)Twilight actually is a good movie. It pains me to admit that, as I have been teasing Mom for months now about this teen sensation. I would like to see New Moon in the movies...(just vomited a little admitting that one!). Seriously, this series seems to have potential.
4)Finally, on a personal note: I have realized that most of my family will never accept where Ian and I have chosen to live, in the evil city known as Philadelphia. In reality, where we live is the perfect blend of urban and neighborhood qualities. It is perfect for us at this time, and I could not love East Falls or Philadelphia more. It is disappointing to constantly be bombarded with the city versus country argument (I get the opposing side from friends)...why can't both perspectives simply respect the choices of the other and avoid this us versus them attitude?
It is a shame, as family will miss out on experiencing many holidays/birthdays/etc with our new little one simply due to the fact that they do not like this kind of home - our home. Well, to be honest, I could not even begin to imagine living in their chosen locations - it would be terribly limiting professionally, socially, and culturally for me. But, that is their choice, rightfully so, and I am happy for them and hope that they continue to be able to live as they choose. If only they reciprocated those feelings.
It is highly likely that only my Mom will make the brave journey into the dreaded center city to visit us and the baby in the hospital. I am not entirely surprised by this. Additionally, it seems that Thanksgiving this year will simply be Ian, my Mom, myself, and the little one (hopefully by then!). Well, it will be a scrumptious feast nonetheless!
-Marie
Monday, November 9, 2009
39 Weeks...
Okay, I didn't think it was possible to ever get this big, but I am starting to feel HUGE! Very very awkward. I am looking forward to being able to bend down to pick things up, tie my shoes without having to take a break, and be able to clean up around the house. I am now starting to feel a tremendous amount of pressure in my pelvis making walking or standing around difficult. I seem to have this pain in my tailbone...fun times! Ian believes we will be heading to the hospital in the first part of this week (like tomorrow or Wed) but we will see. He is now a little more motivated to work on the laundry and clean the basement at night, so I will take what I can get! Ha ha! Seriously need to pack that hospital bag tonight and wash some of the baby's clothing.
Wouldn't you know it, but today a massive recall of the strollers that Ian and I liked has flooded the news. Both amazon and target have completely removed the maclaren umbrella strollers, at least for now. Frustrating, considering a repair kit is available. Well, I decided to spend the afternoon looking into lightweight travel strollers once again, to see if there was an alternative to the gold-standard Maclarens. I came across a relatively newer US company, Uppababy. They are an eco-friendly innovative company based in Massachusetts (so many points gained by that description!). Their mid-range stroller seems fantastic (G-luxe model), and reviews seem to compare it to the upper end Maclarens. The price is great - over $100 less than the mid-range Maclarens, but with the better features of an upper-end umbrella stroller! And it is very very lightweight and also better rated for taller people (Ian should appreciate that). Well, I am going to make the switch and have registered for the Uppababy. We will be able to use the stroller when the baby is about 3 months old...will be great for running errands in the city/on the train/ or in airports (when we can eventually afford to travel again). I am hoping we can buy it next month sometime - will have to budget for this one. Definitely a must have.
Yesterday we took the dogs to my Mom's to run around for the day. The weather was very nice - warm and sunny. We figured that might be the last time that we could spend the day with the dogs without having a little tag along as well! The dogs seemed to really enjoy the day - and I am really enjoying the quiet today (all pups sleeping on the couches right now). Things seem to be settling back to normal - Sadie and Bella were playing together quite a bit like old times. I really don't want the dogs to feel neglected once the baby comes...gotta make sure that I am extra careful about that.
At Ian's insistence, we went to Wegman's grocery store. He really likes that store, but managed to exhibit some self-control. They had this really good garlic tuscan bread - between the three of us, we ate the entire loaf at dinner. We got home really late, much later than we had planned, so we didn't get a chance to work around the house at all.
It took me until 2pm to get this day started...eating a caramel apple is great motivation! Yum!
-Marie
Wouldn't you know it, but today a massive recall of the strollers that Ian and I liked has flooded the news. Both amazon and target have completely removed the maclaren umbrella strollers, at least for now. Frustrating, considering a repair kit is available. Well, I decided to spend the afternoon looking into lightweight travel strollers once again, to see if there was an alternative to the gold-standard Maclarens. I came across a relatively newer US company, Uppababy. They are an eco-friendly innovative company based in Massachusetts (so many points gained by that description!). Their mid-range stroller seems fantastic (G-luxe model), and reviews seem to compare it to the upper end Maclarens. The price is great - over $100 less than the mid-range Maclarens, but with the better features of an upper-end umbrella stroller! And it is very very lightweight and also better rated for taller people (Ian should appreciate that). Well, I am going to make the switch and have registered for the Uppababy. We will be able to use the stroller when the baby is about 3 months old...will be great for running errands in the city/on the train/ or in airports (when we can eventually afford to travel again). I am hoping we can buy it next month sometime - will have to budget for this one. Definitely a must have.
Yesterday we took the dogs to my Mom's to run around for the day. The weather was very nice - warm and sunny. We figured that might be the last time that we could spend the day with the dogs without having a little tag along as well! The dogs seemed to really enjoy the day - and I am really enjoying the quiet today (all pups sleeping on the couches right now). Things seem to be settling back to normal - Sadie and Bella were playing together quite a bit like old times. I really don't want the dogs to feel neglected once the baby comes...gotta make sure that I am extra careful about that.
At Ian's insistence, we went to Wegman's grocery store. He really likes that store, but managed to exhibit some self-control. They had this really good garlic tuscan bread - between the three of us, we ate the entire loaf at dinner. We got home really late, much later than we had planned, so we didn't get a chance to work around the house at all.
It took me until 2pm to get this day started...eating a caramel apple is great motivation! Yum!
-Marie
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Only one awake...
Ian is still alive and I did not have to go to jail for murder, heater is cleaned and running, and the washer has been fixed. Successful Friday. We then had a very nice evening catching up with my friend Jared at one of our favorite restaurants, Distrito. Oddly, I really enjoyed the tortilla soup and the raspberry dessert (we have never made it to dessert before at Distrito). First time out and about in a very very long time...
Had much trouble sleeping last night...probably only got about 2-3 hours in total. Very uncomfortable. Very vivid strange dreams.
Spending the day today doing things around the house...laundry top priority of course.
-Marie
Had much trouble sleeping last night...probably only got about 2-3 hours in total. Very uncomfortable. Very vivid strange dreams.
Spending the day today doing things around the house...laundry top priority of course.
-Marie
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I could scream right about now...
OK...I need to take a deep breath before this one...time to vent.
Ian and I both know the washer is dying, so what does Ian do? He puts two insanely ridiculously oversized large loads of laundry through the sick machine yesterday. I wouldn't have put that much in a commercial washer let alone our compact model.
What do I find this evening? A gigantic mess in the washer...had to hand wring out each article of clothing (funny how it happened to be a load of my gentle cycle clothing). Praying the dryer (which is also not running completely normal lately either) can handle the weight of the wet load and that the rest of the items can line dry in the basement. Speaking of the basement...jabbed myself in the belly about a bazillion times just trying to get to the washer. Had to awkwardly twist to reach inside the machine. Fun times. So much junk stacked in front of it in Ian's attempts to clean and organize the basement. Obviously so much more to do...I am extremely frustrated that I cannot do it myself. Really really frustrated.
No washer and a houseful of dirty bedding, towels, clothing...etc. Baby better hold off for another week...or she won't have any clean clothes and blankets either! Now to figure out what to do about this mess and Ian won't be home until late due to class, so I am on my own once again.
Am I stuck in one of those old Calgon commercials? Take me away (and don't bring me back for at least two weeks or until the cleaning fairies have straightened up this disaster of a house)...
-Marie
Update: After self-medicating with chocolate and cursing the situation, I decided to take it upon myself to get this washer fixed. No time to waste...can't rely on Ian to take care of this. I debated doing the repair myself, spending some time reading online forums and such, and perhaps I would have attempted this if not for my present physical condition, but then gave up and turned to the Sears repair service. They are coming tomorrow afternoon (Yes!) and it will cost ~$220 for parts and labor. Not great...not terrible I guess. It will be fixed though...
Ian and I both know the washer is dying, so what does Ian do? He puts two insanely ridiculously oversized large loads of laundry through the sick machine yesterday. I wouldn't have put that much in a commercial washer let alone our compact model.
What do I find this evening? A gigantic mess in the washer...had to hand wring out each article of clothing (funny how it happened to be a load of my gentle cycle clothing). Praying the dryer (which is also not running completely normal lately either) can handle the weight of the wet load and that the rest of the items can line dry in the basement. Speaking of the basement...jabbed myself in the belly about a bazillion times just trying to get to the washer. Had to awkwardly twist to reach inside the machine. Fun times. So much junk stacked in front of it in Ian's attempts to clean and organize the basement. Obviously so much more to do...I am extremely frustrated that I cannot do it myself. Really really frustrated.
No washer and a houseful of dirty bedding, towels, clothing...etc. Baby better hold off for another week...or she won't have any clean clothes and blankets either! Now to figure out what to do about this mess and Ian won't be home until late due to class, so I am on my own once again.
Am I stuck in one of those old Calgon commercials? Take me away (and don't bring me back for at least two weeks or until the cleaning fairies have straightened up this disaster of a house)...
-Marie
Update: After self-medicating with chocolate and cursing the situation, I decided to take it upon myself to get this washer fixed. No time to waste...can't rely on Ian to take care of this. I debated doing the repair myself, spending some time reading online forums and such, and perhaps I would have attempted this if not for my present physical condition, but then gave up and turned to the Sears repair service. They are coming tomorrow afternoon (Yes!) and it will cost ~$220 for parts and labor. Not great...not terrible I guess. It will be fixed though...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Eventful day...
Today started with a surprise Septa strike. Luckily the regional rails are not part of the strike...unluckily all those reliant on the buses/trolleys/subways are crowding onto the regional rails. Took the train into center city for my OB appointment today - crowded trains and delays. I will have to pick Ian up from school tonight - trains probably will be even worse later tonight and the rest of this week.
I was late to the appointment. Then we received some lovely news that my insurance company (bastards) are denying coverage for some ridiculous things such as venipuncture for routine blood draws, the FLU shot!, and my glucose screening test. Needed to pay for these things at the doctors. All of these things are routine for maternity care...all of these things are supposedly covered in my description of benefits. Supposed to be zero copays, 100% coverage prenatal care. Apparently not. I consider myself an educated intelligent person, however even I cannot decipher the language of the HMO. I now get to look forward to spending hours upon hours trying to contest this to the bastards. I am not optimistic that we will get any money back from them. I cannot help but think that all of those ignorant people who are anti-health care reform better never get sick and better plan to live forever...or be rich. The system does not work. Health care is controlled by for-profit businesses...treatments determined according to profitability. Does that sound okay? Gender and racial discrimination are routine...scary business.
On top of that headache, the heater needs to be serviced so that we do not have carbon monoxide buildup in the house-costing a few hundred dollars- and the washer needs to be repaired asap before it breaks down and we cannot do laundry (terrible timing if baby comes!)-unknown cost for that one.
And the best for last...I had noticed a significant decline in fetal movement over the past two days. My OB strongly recommended I go to the hospital for fetal monitoring. So that is how we spent the afternoon...fortunately everything is okay. Not sure why I couldn't feel movement yesterday or this morning, but wouldn't you know it, as soon as those fetal monitoring belts were wrapped around my belly, the little feisty one started kicking and acting normally. Heartbeats, ultrasound, and kick counts all tested normal then. I am happy about it, but frustrated that I don't know why I couldn't feel her normal activity. Worried it will happen again. And part of me is dreading the hospital bill for today's visit...who knows what Aetna is going to cover these days!
Ugh...it seems like I can have a wonderful day lately that is immediately followed by some disaster or another. No stability, no calm. Very unsettling feeling.
On the bright side, Ginger decided to be a good doggie today, and did not destroy anything in my five hour absence. Crazy mutts! Also, today's hospital visit gave me a taste of what I will be in for when the labor and delivery business kicks in. At least I know where to go, and the nurses and mid-wives were exceptionally nice.
-Marie
I was late to the appointment. Then we received some lovely news that my insurance company (bastards) are denying coverage for some ridiculous things such as venipuncture for routine blood draws, the FLU shot!, and my glucose screening test. Needed to pay for these things at the doctors. All of these things are routine for maternity care...all of these things are supposedly covered in my description of benefits. Supposed to be zero copays, 100% coverage prenatal care. Apparently not. I consider myself an educated intelligent person, however even I cannot decipher the language of the HMO. I now get to look forward to spending hours upon hours trying to contest this to the bastards. I am not optimistic that we will get any money back from them. I cannot help but think that all of those ignorant people who are anti-health care reform better never get sick and better plan to live forever...or be rich. The system does not work. Health care is controlled by for-profit businesses...treatments determined according to profitability. Does that sound okay? Gender and racial discrimination are routine...scary business.
On top of that headache, the heater needs to be serviced so that we do not have carbon monoxide buildup in the house-costing a few hundred dollars- and the washer needs to be repaired asap before it breaks down and we cannot do laundry (terrible timing if baby comes!)-unknown cost for that one.
And the best for last...I had noticed a significant decline in fetal movement over the past two days. My OB strongly recommended I go to the hospital for fetal monitoring. So that is how we spent the afternoon...fortunately everything is okay. Not sure why I couldn't feel movement yesterday or this morning, but wouldn't you know it, as soon as those fetal monitoring belts were wrapped around my belly, the little feisty one started kicking and acting normally. Heartbeats, ultrasound, and kick counts all tested normal then. I am happy about it, but frustrated that I don't know why I couldn't feel her normal activity. Worried it will happen again. And part of me is dreading the hospital bill for today's visit...who knows what Aetna is going to cover these days!
Ugh...it seems like I can have a wonderful day lately that is immediately followed by some disaster or another. No stability, no calm. Very unsettling feeling.
On the bright side, Ginger decided to be a good doggie today, and did not destroy anything in my five hour absence. Crazy mutts! Also, today's hospital visit gave me a taste of what I will be in for when the labor and delivery business kicks in. At least I know where to go, and the nurses and mid-wives were exceptionally nice.
-Marie
Monday, November 2, 2009
38 Weeks!
Unbelievable, how the time has flown by...We are a little more prepared now. We now have some diapers and wipes, blankets, a few washed clothes, and a car seat installed and ready for the ride home. We should be prepared to survive the first 2 weeks...I hope! Major thanks to Ian's Mom and my Mom for their help recently. I am not going to wash all of the clothes...just in case this little girl magically is delivered as a little boy (please NO, don't let that happen). Our washing machine is starting to break, so we have to call a repairman soon. Still works, but making a strange thumping noise that is not normal. Also have to call the gas company to have them service our heater - definitely cannot be turned on before servicing so this will have to be done this week. Going to be very cold later in the week. Ugh!
Ian has been doing some things around the house - yesterday he started cleaning out the basement (still much to do though) and he finished installing shelves in the baby's room. Baby's room and diapering area are nice and organized...now just need baby! Pet supplies are well stocked, so the zoo will keep running while we are chaotic the first week or so of baby time.
My Mom and I went to King of Prussia mall today to go to the Martha Stewart new cookbook signing at Williams Sonoma. I wasn't going to get a book signed but went along with Mom anyway. Well, when I got there, I felt compelled to get the book anyway...was kind of fun. Mom got there early, so she was mid-way in a very long line. I was running late due to the dogs being fussy and a bit of a mess that Ian left for me in the morning, so I got there right before it was to start. Lucky lucky us, the Williams Sonoma employees bumped us to the front of the line due to my obvious state of pregnancy - what a great benefit to being pregnant and very generous of Williams Sonoma! We couldn't take any pics with Ms. Stewart, but she was very pretty in person and personable. A few lines and wrinkles, but damn I'd love to look that good at her age. Mom asked her which were her favorite recipes and she listed the duck breast and red cabbage recipes...we will have to give some of them a shot. The store had made samples of three of the recipes - the coconut cupcakes and hanger steak with carmelized shallots were yummy! Overall, the cookbook looks like a good one. I am glad I picked it up, and now it is my first signed book.
This week is getting busy (well, busy for me these days). Doc appt tomorrow and then hospital tour on Wed. After that, then this little girl can decide to make her appearance. I am still avoiding thinking too much about labor and delivery. Too too stressful. What will be, will be. Ian has been reading...hopefully he will be a very informed and calm coach, and we are still looking into getting a doula (labor coach) through a free program in our area.
That's about all...each day seems to fly by and doesn't seem to allow me enough time to accomplish what I need to accomplish.
-Marie
Ian has been doing some things around the house - yesterday he started cleaning out the basement (still much to do though) and he finished installing shelves in the baby's room. Baby's room and diapering area are nice and organized...now just need baby! Pet supplies are well stocked, so the zoo will keep running while we are chaotic the first week or so of baby time.
My Mom and I went to King of Prussia mall today to go to the Martha Stewart new cookbook signing at Williams Sonoma. I wasn't going to get a book signed but went along with Mom anyway. Well, when I got there, I felt compelled to get the book anyway...was kind of fun. Mom got there early, so she was mid-way in a very long line. I was running late due to the dogs being fussy and a bit of a mess that Ian left for me in the morning, so I got there right before it was to start. Lucky lucky us, the Williams Sonoma employees bumped us to the front of the line due to my obvious state of pregnancy - what a great benefit to being pregnant and very generous of Williams Sonoma! We couldn't take any pics with Ms. Stewart, but she was very pretty in person and personable. A few lines and wrinkles, but damn I'd love to look that good at her age. Mom asked her which were her favorite recipes and she listed the duck breast and red cabbage recipes...we will have to give some of them a shot. The store had made samples of three of the recipes - the coconut cupcakes and hanger steak with carmelized shallots were yummy! Overall, the cookbook looks like a good one. I am glad I picked it up, and now it is my first signed book.
This week is getting busy (well, busy for me these days). Doc appt tomorrow and then hospital tour on Wed. After that, then this little girl can decide to make her appearance. I am still avoiding thinking too much about labor and delivery. Too too stressful. What will be, will be. Ian has been reading...hopefully he will be a very informed and calm coach, and we are still looking into getting a doula (labor coach) through a free program in our area.
That's about all...each day seems to fly by and doesn't seem to allow me enough time to accomplish what I need to accomplish.
-Marie
Ginger was obviously upset today
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