Ian and Marie's Zoo

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Chase

Poor guy is still happy even with this cold.

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Peanut and her golden bag

Peanut has developed expensive taste in chocolate. She has requested the golden bag from Daddy...Godiva.

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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Bad timing

Both kids have nasty snotty colds. I am trying desperately to avoid catching it because then they won't do my surgery on Friday. Feeling tired today...not a good sign.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Found a gorgeous Pottery Barn white twin sleigh bed for Peanut- complete with trundle bed, both mattresses, nightstand, and bedding- on Craigslist. We set it up this weekend and she loves it. She wants all the cats to sleep on the bed with her...and Sadie lady. We have to get a safety rail before she can sleep in it.

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Saturday, October 13, 2012

Halloween fun

Pretzel pumpkins!

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Friday, October 12, 2012

Blog

I want to clarify something. This blog was started by Ian and me to chronicle our life...our zoo... Ian rarely contributes to the blog any more. Hmmm... I write to it and post to it to vent, sometimes when happy or proud of someone/thing, and sometimes simply because I just took a cool picture. This blog used to be for us, lately maybe it seems to be for me. Someday, maybe Peanut or Chase will read it too...and see a picture into their early lives. And see into the mind of their crazy mom.

I don't want things judged in this blog...things thrown in my face. I am in a really shitty place these days...feeling extreme anxiety and isolation. It helps me to write about stuff, I have come to realize...and so I might be writing more over the next couple of days.

I love my kids and my animals. They make me insane and sane all at once...but they never make me feel alone. This blog is really about them.

Hans

This post is cursed...i swear i have tried to write this 10 times now. I had to put Hans down last night. he was in renal failure and his quality of life was no longer there. it was extremely hard to do. he was such a great cat - mellow and sweet, super soft chinchilla cat. he and his brother Franz really were the best cats ever. They can be together again now...that is nice to think about. Peanut was with me - that was hard to deal with too because she didnt understand what was going on. she even still asks me where ginger is - today we saw a shiny on the ceiling and said "ginger will like that one." i told her hans is sleeping with ginger in heaven - that seemed to make her content last night. it was even hard to deal with the sweet vet tech asking me about my "pregnancy." i told her what was going on - i didn't want her to feel badly or for her to think she had offended me. it did hurt of course, not going to lie. my surgery is in less than a week now. still terrified. still overwhelmed. i asked for extra support at home this past week and this coming week - so far it hasn't happened. i have put everything/everyone else in front of me for years now - i have a huge mountain on my shoulders every day - primarily financial stress and the instability that causes - but also just taking care of the house - organizing things, making sure the kids have what they need. i have neglected myself for so long...part of me wonders if that is why i am having these health issues.stress is such a dangerous thing...mentally and physically. i am worried about post-surgery...worried that this isn't going to just be a simple cyst, worried about who is going to keep this house running. this is such a complicated, time consuming household...sometimes i wonder what it would be like to have a normal life....but then i remember why it is the way it is. i am really going to miss you, Hans. But i like to think you are happier once again.