Started maternity leave yesterday.

And spent that first day off at all day hospital and doctor appointments.  Baby is about 6.5 lbs and passed the nonstress test (monitors heart rate, movement- he was reactive which is normal).  He is tracking about a week ahead gestationally. He also is head down and sitting low...the combo of those two things plus the fact that I am having lots of braxton hicks contractions makes me very very nervous.  I want at least 2 weeks of pre baby maternity leave - I think I deserve that given the summer I had (or didn't have?).  I have until Monday to perfect my blood glucose levels or I may have to start insulin shots (low dose) which I was okay with until I was informed that places me in a higher risk category, I would not be able to continue with the midwives at my practice (I've grown to like the four of them- I think they would calm me) and would have to be attended to by a physician, and I would definitely be induced by 39 weeks or more likely earlier which means delivery at the crappy hospital in crappy Trenton.  Either way, insulin or not, I will be induced by or before 40 weeks.  Scares the crap out of me considering how violently I reacted to that prostaglandin/ pitocin last time.

So yesterday was not what I expected for the first day of leave.  And today Ian is at the Philly house once again...I really really wish we had more help or could afford to pay someone to do some of these things. I feel like Ian never gets a chance to relax, look for employment, do something all three of us (fun) because there is always something on the to-do list.  Something that has to get done.  He is doing the best he can, but it adds such tension for us and everyone is wearing down. I am starting to feel like we are so isolated and overwhelmed with a mountain of things to do and no time.  The feedback from the 3 showings of the Philly house were poor - works in progress did not go over well with potential buyers so Ian has to keep pushing through.
I feel useless...if I stand too long I feel like my feet are going to swell and fall off or the baby puts a tremendous amount of pressure on me.  I feel like it is difficult to even move around - really don't enjoy this feeling.  Again...this is so different from Peanut...my little easy angel.

Happy things- Peanut is a smarty pants and completely adorable even when bossing us around.  She LOVES her cats (especially Clawdy cat) and seems to like Luna and Ginger (she calls her big G)- Naida seems to annoy her a lot and she seems to think Sadie is a funny crazy dog.  She is back and forth about Bell Bell.  The stranger danger is a tiny bit better.  She is better about looking at strangers but still doesn't really interact with them.  Have to just keep working with her on that.  Sometimes I feel like I am socializing her just like a pup!  Similar concept actually...

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